Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Happy are those to whom the Lord imputes no iniquity
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
While I kept silent, my body wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not hide my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Therefore let all who are faithful
offer prayer to you;
at a time of distress, the rush of mighty waters
shall not reach them.
You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with glad cries of deliverance.
I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Do not be like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
whose temper must be curbed with bit and bridle,
else it will not stay near you.
Many are the torments of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds those who trust in the Lord.
Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart.
~Psalm 32
Meditation
In college I took a philosophy class that was based entirely on The Grand Inquisitor, which was a single chapter in Dostoevsky’s novel, The Brothers Karamazov. The professor was a kind and soft-spoken man, but also anxious. He had a heavy eastern European accent, and he didn’t look particularly well—he was very pale, sort of grey in complexion. During one class, in discussing ethics, he gave an example of someone who really, really needed a pack of cigarettes, but who didn’t have any money, so, wasn’t it, really, ok that he stole a pack of cigarettes from the Star Market? Sort of a modern-day Jean Valjean, I guess. In a later class, he said, “You know, once I really, really needed a pack of cigarettes, but I didn’t have any money. So I stole a pack from the Star Market.”
He ended up taking a medical leave halfway through the course. I don’t know entirely what was going on with my professor, but I believe at least one thing that was going on was a persistent, unshakeable sense of guilt, or maybe shame. He had unfinished business of some kind.
In the Christian tradition, Psalm 32 is one of the seven penitential psalms. Usually, these are psalms in which the writer is asking God for forgiveness for something specific. Psalm 51, the psalm we pray on Ash Wednesday, is an excellent example. Psalm 32 is an odd duck among these psalms, though, because the psalmist is not asking God for anything, but, rather, telling the listener how amazingly wonderful it feels to be forgiven.
And isn’t that true? The feeling of seeing a person who was angry with you, or disappointed by you, and knowing that all is forgiven. It’s… heaven.
For most human beings, feelings of guilt and shame when we have trespassed some ethical boundary are normal. Feelings are simply messages from our bodies. This was wonderful, that was terrible, this is scary… When we’ve done something, even something as seemingly minor as stealing a pack of cigarettes from Star Market, we generally have some lingering feelings, maybe at first, of anxiety. But eventually, it can turn into guilt. Or even, shame, which is guilt’s awful twin, and far more complicated to deal with. Guilt is about an action. Guilt says, I did something bad. Shame is about ourselves. Shame says, I am bad. I hope all of us exist in shame-free zones, because shame is never the answer.
Psalm 32 begins with verses telling how happy, how blessed we are when we’re forgiven. But then it moves into what the experience of what guilt can feel like. It speaks of wasting away. It speaks of groaning in agony, and feelings of weakness, even faintness. It speaks of the heavy hand of God resting upon them.
Then, suddenly, we discover that the psalmist is, in fact praying to God. But then I told you, they say, and you forgave me. May all who feel as I felt pray to God, open their hearts, and be forgiven!
Then, God speaks: I will instruct you, and teach you the way you should go—don’t be like a stubborn animal, who needs to be tied up and restrained, in order to stay near its master. By implication—stay near me because you want to stay near me, a truly beautiful invitation from God, hidden under a homely simile. And then, the joy of forgiveness ends this psalm—which may, really, be a teaching psalm. Steadfast love surrounds those who trust in the Lord.
A simple message: tell God what’s ailing you, and God will heal you, will heal the sin-sick soul. But what about other complications when we are seeking forgiveness?
With only a few exceptions, most stories of guilt and forgiveness in the Hebrew scriptures are about sins against God and human guilt over disobedience, faithlessness, breaking the commandments. But Jesus adds a more consistent focus on the harm we can do one another, on the importance of forgiving one another as we have been forgiven by God. Reconciliation really is at the heart of our faith.
But what happens when it’s too late to reconcile? When the one we have harmed is no longer on this earth? I believe that when we do harm, we should make amends. To me, that means: telling the person that we understand the harm we did, and that we are sincerely sorry. And then, asking the person how we can make amends… how can we make it better, how can we restore the relationship between us?
This is far more complex when the person we have wronged has died. What can we possibly do? We can pray. Speak to God about it and see whether our heart can be eased in that way. But there may be other ways. We can take time to reflect on what the person in question really cared about—what they loved. And then we can connect with that, in some way, as a way of connecting with them. Suppose the person you hurt loved animals… maybe volunteer at an animal shelter. Say they loved music…perhaps encourage young people with musical gifts or attend a concert. Recycle, or contribute to Greenpeace if they were concerned about climate change.
Anything that this person cared about can become a vehicle for remembering your relationship at its best. Beautiful memories can be like a prayer. They can also be the balm your soul needs around the fractures in the relationship. They can increase your trust that, in the end, the good in your relationship outweighed the bad.
God is love, and wants us to live in joy, in hope, and in peace. Steadfast love surrounds those who trust in the Lord. Trusting in that steadfast love can make all the difference when the complications of life leave us with unfinished business.
Thanks be to God. Amen.